The truth is I'm not scared anymore, even if the future is so uncertain. Theres only one person who asked -- but no I'm not pregnant hahaha yet i have this boy who wants to marry me sooner than i expected - and the wedding is happening really soon - in 39 days - and we got engaged what? 3 months ago.
Crazy as that sounds it's even crazier planning a destination wedding in such a short span of time - but there are so many good people who help, and so many blessings along the way.
Like yesterday - I saw my guardian angel up close. I got back from the ATM, into my car, ready to move along when this guy just stations himself in front of my car and wouldn't move despite my beeping. Few seconds and this black car comes speeding from my left and I didn't even feel how fast it all happened because this truck from right in front of me collided with the black car and hit the driver's side. If that guy hadn't been there it would have been me, and I wouldn't be typing this entry.
So much has changed and so much will still change and it's 39 days left and I haven't even had time to imagine the new life I will soon lead. I don't even know if things will really only get better, or if this is all there is to it.
Either way it still isn't so bad. He is starting a business and is stressed about it, I'm taking a break from work soon and am rushing the wedding planning. I guess we take turns being stressed and now it's my time to step up and let things go.
One thing I regret is not being able to document these days, my final days as a single girl - I haven't been faithful to my 5year journal - I wish I had the time.
After this week ill be done with all the accommodations, legal and church requirements, invitations. I can focus on the details. On the the little things I really want.
But more importantly ill be taking a break for a week meeting God in my mountain my annual retreat and I'm already making a mental note of things to bring - instant brewed coffee, Splenda, fibre, lemons, a cozy blanket, maybe a pillow. I'm going to maximize 7 days of unadulterated silence.
And then 3 days in Batanes, the place I've always dreamed of - I will take it all in because I won't be able to on my wedding day. On that day, my only hope is I'm able to deliver vows as eloquently and as gracefully as possible. I am only going to present one man to God as my husband, and when I take him into my life I want it to be a moment both of us will always remember.
It's crazy sometimes - especially lately. But I know all the things that are said in between do not mean a lack of love. And our love wouldn't be what it is if not for the things that hurt us, because when we hurt we learn to forgive and get over things and ask God for help and guidance and understanding -- we learn to put others first - and if what we have isn't real and lasting I don't really know what is.
I'm madly in love with the person I'm going to marry - and what can I say, I guess love is for the crazy ones.
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